I love HuffPost Live. Some of their segments really have me on the edge of my seat. This morning, Alicia Menendez had a segment “Do Strong Women Need Alpha Males?” Take a second to watch it here.
I don’t know about you, but I think about this all the time. It’s a real struggle that I have when it comes to gender roles and relationships. As much as I would like to be more soft-spoken and reserved, less boisterous and tough, I cannot. This is the skin I’m in, the way God molded me. I can be tough to lead sometimes. I can close myself off. I can refuse to be vulnerable and dependent. That’s all me. And I do not want to feel less than because of it. It’s a struggle, but it’s a struggle that I must endure.
One big misconception about “strong women” that I think this segment gets at a little is that they are incapable of submitting or being dependent on their partner. The way I see it, I cannot just submit to anyone. And I honestly do not see submission as something that makes a woman under a man. It’s a partnership. And the truth is that not all men are worthy of it.
So obviously, this is not something my aura projects when you first meet me. My actions do not scream, ” I am ready to submit!” They communicate, on the other hand, “Prove to me you are worthy.” That definitely weeds out many men who are not about that life lol. And it also solicits being trustworthy. Trust is key. And trust is a big issue for me. Gaining my trust doesn’t come easily, and that may be more of a personal problem than anything else, but it’s true. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Showing emotion is another issue. I am one to show my emotions, but not show my emotions. Yeah, it’s weird. I’m very animated, very eccentric. But I still hold back. Story time: when I reached a certain age, probably around 12 or 13, my mother refused to allow me to cry. Whenever I cried about something, she did not show the same sympathy she once showed me when I was younger. While I think everyone goes through such a phase, it had a different effect on me. I barely saw my mother cry during my lifetime. Only in the roughest of periods did I hear her cry, and even that was scarce. I can imagine the amount of times she cried in her room, away from everyone else, and I have largely inherited that tendency. I think it’s a good thing that it takes a lot to drive me to tears, but my fear of letting them fall in the presence of others keeps me from being vulnerable around the ones I love.
I think many times, we mistake “strong women” for unfeeling women. That’s not true. They feel just the same as any other woman, but it takes much more to have them release it. Being afraid of vulnerability is something I can understand. In a world where women are viewed largely as the weaker sex, not wanting to show “weakness” is something I do not get surprised about. But I can also see how it holds women back. We think with our heart sometimes, and that’s completely fine. It is not a curse. It is not a negative quality.
I guess what I’m trying to get at is this: there is a large part of me that desires an alpha male, but it is not a necessity. Why? Because I know myself, and I know that trying to be Superwoman all the time just ends up defeating me. It isolates me. It puts me in a box. It communicates to the ones I love that I do not need them, even when I need them the most. And if there is someone who can communicate to me that I can lighten my burdens and give them over to him, that would be marvelous. But I will still be feisty. I will still work hard. I will still be the woman I am now because I cannot change who I am. I have gone through countless mental arguments about it, and I will not subject myself to it any longer, which is why an alpha male would be ideal. You got be able to check me when I’m doing too much lol!
I really want to hear your feedback though. Do strong women need alpha males? Comment!